Today I feel frustrated.
Kerry objected to me donating a kidney from the very beginning. He said he has too much on his plate already, and he can’t deal with one more thing before the end of school. Perfectly understandable, as the last two weeks of school can be brutal for middle school teachers. I promised him he wouldn’t have to do anything. I said I could do it myself, I could do all the testing, talk to all the doctors, make all the decisions, etc. The only thing I need him to do, I said, is take care of me after the surgery. He graciously agreed.
But it turns out, I lied. I guess I hoped he would want to talk to the transplant team and go with me to testing appointments and stuff. I wanted him to be supportive of this decision in the same way I would. I wanted him to read up on the procedure, to look up details, to have questions for the surgeon. I wanted him to be like me.
Which isn’t fair. He’s not me. He shouldn’t have to respond the way I would, or act like I would, or find comfort in the same way I would. He doesn’t have my personality, and that’s okay.
Still, my fantasy does not match my reality, and that’s frustrating.
Wow. This is a classic case, I think. I read this and thought, well if you said that, why didn't you expect him to believe you? He's a husband, not a mindreader! I'm not blaming you for being a woman, Les, I'm just asking all of your female readers to not hate Kerry for just being a man. You see, from his perspective (I think), he was actually just doing what he was told to do explicitly. Wow, we guys just can't win for losing, can we?
ReplyDeleteNone of this takes away what a heroine you are for doing this, Les.
Too true, Todd. I'm not being rational, and I know this. It sometimes takes my emotions a few minutes to catch up to my head, but eventually I get there. All thoughts about donation are here, not just the ones that make sense.
ReplyDeleteKerry is an angel, and I am a much adored and pampered trophy wife. It's good to be me.